George Orwell meets the version of George Orwell that internet weirdos often seem to confuse him with.
Bonus mini-episode! George Orwell meets the version of George Orwell that internet weirdos often seem to confuse him with. Starring Robin Johnson as George Orwell and Liselle Nic Giollabháin as Thought Police Officer Rutherford.
A transcript of this episode is available here.
There's also a (slightly shortened) version of it as an illustrated, subtitled social media video here.
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[Music: Untrue Stories theme, a jangly chill-out tune on kalimba, mountain dulcimer and electric bass]
ANNOUNCER: The story you are about to hear –
[FX: Metallic crash]
ORWELL: Ow!
ANNOUNCER: – is untrue.
[Music fades down, but continues in background throughout the episode.]
ORWELL: Ugh. Hello?
EVIL ORWELL: (ORWELL's voice, with "demonic" effect) Are you all right, George? You fell off your bicycle.
ORWELL: Well, my head hurts, but I'll live... who are you?
EVIL ORWELL: I'm George Orwell, of course.
ORWELL: No you're not, I'm George Orwell. And I can tell you're not George Orwell, because George Orwell doesn't have a goatee... oh, is this one of those parallel universes where everyone's an evil version of themselves?
EVIL ORWELL: That's right, George! Only of course over here,/ you're the evil version.
ORWELL: [Overlapping] – I'm the evil version, right. So you're some sort of, what, authoritarian conservative?
EVIL ORWELL: Oh, goodness, no, George. I'm a Libertarian. Although come to think of it, I do happen to have exactly the same opinions as authoritarian conservatives.
ORWELL: You know, I think I may have met some of your fans who'd mistaken me for you. Is that your book?
EVIL ORWELL: Yes, Nineteen Eighty-Four. It's absolutely chilling. Have a read.
ORWELL: All right, let's see. [FX: Paper flipping] "Winston had a temper tantrum and started yelling racist slurs on television. The next day someone was rude about him on twitter, and he was invited back on television to whine about it."
EVIL ORWELL: Harrowing stuff, isn't it.
RUTHERFORD: 'Allo 'allo 'allo.
EVIL ORWELL: Oh no, it's a Thought Policeman!
RUTHERFORD: Thought police officer, sir. Perhaps you'd care to consider using less gender-specific language?
ORWELL: Nooo! Don't cancel me!
RUTHERFORD: I'm not, sir, I only asked if –
ORWELL: This is such a 1984!
RUTHERFORD: You're a dick, sir. Good day.
ORWELL: See that? So oppressed.
[Music fades up]
ANNOUNCER: Find Untrue Stories on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you find podcasts.
[Music fades up to full volume and plays out.]